Dear so and so long…

Dear so and so long…

It’s hardly been 2 days since

and

the thought of your face

buried between someone else’s thighs

Makes me cringe a little

To imagine your mouth

Sucking at someone else’s skin

Burns my insides raw

And turns my stomach

I can’t stand the thought

Of never

Really knowing who you are

You never gave me that chance

It was all too short

Not long enough for you to know

How to spell my last name

And whatever it was

It wasn’t

When it was cut off

Cut away and

I only have a handful of memories

Of an us that never was

You were never mine

You were never going to be

Because you never intended to

You never gave me yourself

Even a little at a time

You never wanted to

You were never open enough

To give me anything of you

But you gave me back a piece of myself

Though you didn’t mean to

You probably don’t even know that you did

You made me feel beautiful again

Desired again

Desireable

Your wanting hands

Full with my breasts

Your lips pressed against my lips

In promissory words

Unspoken

Your flesh for my flesh

We said

You pulled away from me 

So soon

I might have given you my heart

You might have taken it

Here

Still

I am

My heart is mine

My heart in hand

Battered a little

Beaten perhaps

But a bruised heart always heals

And so will my bruised ego

I will take from this

However brief

Entanglement

The good

The passion

The words you shouldn’t have spoken

The ones you said you did not mean

The ones that you took back

So here they are

My 339 words

Just 339

To stand-alone as

A record of whatever it was

That it wasn’t

We barely had

Because we barely had a chance

You may have stolen yourself away

But know that

What you gave me back

You cannot take away with your absence

Ever.

And I am thankful for that.

Wendy M. June 1/2010

Dear so and so

Dear so and so;

When you left

I wasted no time

and

I washed away the stains

and

with them

the scent of you

and

I threw out the used condoms

that lined the garbage pail

and

I washed up all the dishes

from

the dinner, the wine, the conversation

the nervousness, the subtle flirtation

and

the lack of eye contact.

It feels like

I’m ridding the imprint we left together

on time

brief

comforting

one evening spent

til the morning after

and the blaring insecurity

the scrutiny that comes after

that has me begging the question

Am I ready?

I am throwing away the empty bottles

that we drank so easily

like we drank each other in

like water…

and

I’m wiping clean the memory of you

in my bed

in my home

and in my mind.

When I think about it all

it’s further and further away

as if it never happened

though

it was only yesterday.

There is no evidence of you

save for the leftovers

a dinner for two

it’s as if it was someone else’s night

I watched it on T.V.

when at first sight

there you were

a handsome man

awkward

at my door

and I

had scarcely finished shaving my legs

in wishful anticipation

it’s as if it were

someone else

that watched you hold her

with a tattooed forearm

while you slid yourself inside

moved your body

as she writhed

and

I wish I hadn’t washed my sheets

at least

for the scent of you

because

you were barely here at all.