Dear so and so

Dear so and so;

When you left

I wasted no time

and

I washed away the stains

and

with them

the scent of you

and

I threw out the used condoms

that lined the garbage pail

and

I washed up all the dishes

from

the dinner, the wine, the conversation

the nervousness, the subtle flirtation

and

the lack of eye contact.

It feels like

I’m ridding the imprint we left together

on time

brief

comforting

one evening spent

til the morning after

and the blaring insecurity

the scrutiny that comes after

that has me begging the question

Am I ready?

I am throwing away the empty bottles

that we drank so easily

like we drank each other in

like water…

and

I’m wiping clean the memory of you

in my bed

in my home

and in my mind.

When I think about it all

it’s further and further away

as if it never happened

though

it was only yesterday.

There is no evidence of you

save for the leftovers

a dinner for two

it’s as if it was someone else’s night

I watched it on T.V.

when at first sight

there you were

a handsome man

awkward

at my door

and I

had scarcely finished shaving my legs

in wishful anticipation

it’s as if it were

someone else

that watched you hold her

with a tattooed forearm

while you slid yourself inside

moved your body

as she writhed

and

I wish I hadn’t washed my sheets

at least

for the scent of you

because

you were barely here at all.

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